Lull officially over. Part of acknowledging it was finally realizing it and then, quickly, reprimanding myself harshly, and getting past it. T-minus one week, seven days, 168 hours left of the single-life. 168 hours is a bit inaccurate, but close enough to be tangible is all I'm getting at anyway. I do a course in Toronto every once in a while, and as I was leaving this week I joked that the next time I was there, I'd be married. But it's true! I will be! This is just finally starting to resonate.
That strange parallel-bride universe feeling is getting stronger. I came into the 'project' with the mentality that it was actually a project, and it had this awesome clinical distance. I'm not planning my wedding here people, I'm "working". The holes are just starting to appear to me now.
Right now I'm trying to be less stressed out. Which is difficult, because my sewing machine is a vindictive piece of shit and is getting back at me for leaving it in a closet so long by eating every attempt I make at a dress. There is no way I am hand-sewing this thing, but it keeps occurring to me that it will probably go faster than sitting here, staring at the massive ball of thread that has somehow formed within two seconds. Guh. Maybe it's just one of those birthday-suit events.
Anyway, I just got a Regular Fantasies certificate declaring me an official "Bride to Be". This shit just got real.
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